The “Why” Behind the “What”

We're five months into our twelve month adventure. It's been amazing so far. I feel like I'm miles ahead of where I was when I came. I've grown in experience, practical knowledge (about theatre and also just plain life stuff) and in my relationship with Christ. I've made amazing friends and countless precious memories. 

But it's not all roses. I’d be lying if I said that I love every moment here. In fact, there are many moments in which I have to force myself to keep going. Our schedule is extremely taxing. With our classes and shows, we Conservatory students are at the theatre nearly 12 hours a day, 5 days a week. Our weekends are somewhat restful, but they’re also busy because we’re trying to prepare for the next week (homework, meal prep, paying bills, doing chores, balancing budgets…).

The amount of shows we perform in is also a heavy load. The most I do a week is 9, sometimes just 6, and yet even I’m feeling the monotony of the routine to be draining. The same show over and over and over again, sometimes three times in one day. I can’t imagine the stamina that is required from the actors who perform 11 shows per week.

So I'd like to use this blog post to share the reality of the challenges this year has brought. But also the uplifting side of those struggles and how we're overcoming them. I usually like to share highlights because there's an awful lot of those. We're learning and growing in dozens of ways and I've got lots more to share about that in future posts. 

But the biggest struggle I've had by far is the temptation to lose sight of the "why" behind what we're doing. Days are long. I have several physical injuries that seem like they won't go away. Homework assignments keep coming. There's almost no time for hobbies or things unrelated to the Conservatory. Some of my classmates are dealing with hard stuff back home. Sleep is elusive.  I miss my family. I miss Mitch. Sometimes I find myself close to burnout and I wonder how I'm going to make it the rest of the year. Why exactly am I here again?

And that’s why the message from our special guest at last week’s Company Meeting was exactly what I needed to hear. Company Meeting is a bi-monthly event in which every department within Sight & Sound comes together. I’ve only attended two so far, but from what I can gather it’s a time of refreshment and reminders of the “why” behind what we’re doing. 

You may recognize our guest. If you’ve ever seen or heard of the movies War Room, Facing the Giants, or Fireproof, then you’re familiar with the work of the Kendrick Brothers. Stephen Kendrick is the older of the two and we were so blessed when he joined us on Thursday afternoon to share some words of encouragement and inspiration. He did a heck of a job.

I was sitting comfortably in the red chairs of the auditorium when he got up to speak. I was surprised and pleased when I realized who it was. But I was also fighting to keep my eyes open. Our week was only halfway done and yet I already felt wiped. I wanted nothing more than to drive back to my apartment and take a nap. But I perked up as Stephen began talking and found that every word spoke directly to my heart. 

He first told a couple of stories from when he and Alex were just beginning their filmmaking careers. He told about God's sufficiency and how He had provided, sometimes in incredibly miraculous ways, to give life to their dreams. He explained how their movie sets are bathed in prayer, and how he tells his crew that every little thing they do on that set, no matter how small, is furthering the Gospel. Then he began to translate this truth to Sight & Sound. 

“You’re not just working with Styrofoam or melding steel. You’re preaching the power of forgiveness. You’re not just putting on makeup or costumes. You’re reconciling families through the power of the Holy Spirit. You’re not just memorizing lines. You’re communicating the Truth of the Cross. You’re not just cleaning up sheep poop.” And here a knowing chuckle reverberated through the audience. Stephen smiled and went on. “You’re telling the story of the Savior of the world.”

His message could not have been more timely. I got the sense that every single person in that auditorium needed to be reminded that their work means something. It’s hard when you’re weighed down in the day to day grind. When you’ve performed the same show over one hundred times. When your joints ache. When your knees and ankles are wrapped up in tape. When your skin is dried out because of the makeup. Or when you’re so tired you know if you sat down you’d fall right to sleep.

But this MATTERS. God is being glorified in our work as His character is highlighted in a breathtaking spectacle. As hundreds of people (every day!) are being swept away into a beautiful story of God's faithfulness and redemption. As we sing at the top of our tired voices that His Truth has set us free. For us in the Conservatory, He is glorified as we give our all to hone the talents He has given us. Or when we encourage one another, or wrap someone up in a hug as they’re having a hard day (and we've all had plenty of those already!)

I felt that everything that Stephen said was exactly what I needed to hear, even when I didn’t realize it. Funny how God does that, isn’t it? I’m not saying that supernatural energy is suddenly flowing through me. Work is hard because this world is broken. But with the assurance that what we’re doing is worthwhile comes a determination to press onward. To keep those shows running. To keep turning in homework assignments. And to keep growing as students and performers. 

We needed to be reminded. 

I know that Stephen's words really apply to all of life, and I hope I'll carry these truths with me as I go toward whatever God has in store next. You don't have to be putting on Biblical spectacles for your work to matter. You simply have to be doing what God has called you to do. Being obedient wherever He has placed you right now. For us, it's the Conservatory. When this year is done, it will be something else. When Company Meeting ended that afternoon I felt so uplifted, and I hope that these words may serve to encourage those reading this as well.  

On the topic of encouragement, I had some special visitors come last week. The Tracy family from Edmond, Oklahoma! Oh, it was wonderful to see some familiar faces from home! The moment they walked through the door I felt my spirits lift. They’ve been on a road trip along the East Coast and made a stop in Lancaster. They saw and afternoon show and I was able to give them a backstage tour of the theatre: our dressing rooms, the stage, the wings, beneath the stage, as well as where we have Cast Meeting and do classes. We had the best time.

Mr. Tracy, Sarah, Asher, me, Hannah, Daniel and Mrs. Tracy. So glad they were able to come! 

There are many, many reasons that I love having visitors. One of them is that it lets me see the theatre with fresh eyes again. This building feels a lot smaller than it did in January. I lose sight of the magic I felt that first day when I walked through the impressive lobby and into the auditorium. But getting to take them around, show them the ins and outs of our days, and answer their questions reminded me yet again what a gift this year is. Their enthusiasm was pretty contagious and I loved every moment. Traceys, thank you so much for coming and for your kindness! Seeing familiar faces from home was such a blessing and just what I needed that day.

So there’s some incentive for anyone else that wants to come see me! A free guided tour and access to all my knowledge about the interworkings of Sight & Sound Theatres. ‘Cause I’m basically an expert now. ;)

If anyone reading this would like to keep us in your prayers, we’d really appreciate it. Please pray that those of us in the Conservatory and the cast can all be a strong support system for one another. That discouragement and weariness will not overtake us. (There was a day in particular last week where it just seemed like everyone was having rough time of it, cast and Conservatory alike). Please pray that we can persevere and continue in the good work that the Lord has set before us, even when we've done the same costume change over one hundred times. 

This place isn’t perfect because its made up of imperfect people. But it’s an amazing place to be and the environement is incredibly supportive. Prayer covers everything, intentional conversations seem to happen constantly, and the Lord always provides refreshement right when it seems we need it most. Sometimes it's simple little things that bring encouragment and renewed purpose. Like walking out of the doors of theatre to see this gorgeous sunset. 

Theres a pretty important "why" behind the "what." The Conservatory is worth every long day. Hard as this is, there’s no where else I’d rather spend this year.